For what it's worth

Lately I've been realizing more and more that the only person I can fully trust and depend on is myself. To be honest, this scares me. As uncomfortable as it is to admit, it's true. But, this is not the type of person I want to be, skeptical and untrusting. I have gotten by just fine in the past being completely unwary, giving, and quite frankly a little naive. If growing up and gaining wisdom entails trading in my heart for one with a hardened shell, then I don't want it. 

On another less serious note, 2008 was overall satisfying. I suppose the biggest change for me was the start of my lab internship and the intense focus that I've been putting on my future scientific career. After two years of bullshitting around in community college I finally realized what it is that I want to do with my life. Well, for the most part I suppose. Some things are in the works still. As stressful as my life is at times, it's worth it, especially when I think of all the future opportunities I will have.

This summer I am going on a trip with my mom and sister to Italy and Greece. Although it's going to cost me a pretty penny, the experience is obviously worth it. I am really looking forward to spending time with them in the midst of such grandeur, and making remarkable memories that I will always carry with me. I feel horrible that I never get to see my family because of my currently rigorous schedule. This will be a nice way to get some quality time in though.

I'm off to work and then the gym. Life goes on...

I'm sorry if no one in the internet world wants to see this, but it makes me infinitely happy...

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Let that lonely feelin' go.

The weather is finally starting to cool down, and I love it! Last weekend was one of the best times I've had in a while. On Friday night I went to Orlando to see the Henry Rollins "Recountdown Tour". Afterwards I got to meet him. Then on Saturday Jesse and I went to go see Chuck Ragan, Ben Nichols, Tim Barry, and Austin Lucas. Fuck. It was so amazing. Anyways, life is good. I started my new job last Monday, and I love it. I cannot wait for that first paycheck!

i can truly say that i've never felt as alone as i do right now, and the worst part is, it's all my fault.

Nothing sickens me more than thinking about how people maliciously mistreat each other. It's such a foreign concept to me. The lack of common decency in the majority of people my age is so disheartening. 

So Surreal

One of my childhood friends gave birth to a beautiful baby girl today. I could never imagine myself in that position.

At least no t for a while anyway. I am infinitely happy for her though. It takes a exceptional woman to be a mother. I know

that I am fortunate to have a mother as selfless and devoted as mine. She has always encouraged me to follow my intuition, 

and pursue my ambitions. I can only hope to be half the woman she is.

The past few days I have been on edge. I know that the change in my attitude can solely be attributed to the amount of school work that I have to complete, specifically in my precalculus / trigonometry class. But, I have already told myself that I'm going to suck it up and deal with it. The pay off will be worth the 8+ hours of homework a week. Hopefully the people around me don't become frustrated with me for being so moody.

It's discouraging to be in this situation. I am usually pretty good at keeping my emotions under control while maintaining a positive outlook. Right now I am experiencing the exact opposite of this, and I can't seem to shake myself out of it.