sometimes when i can't sleep i take deep breaths and count them. if that doesn't work i usually turn on a nature show. something about the images are soothing. if i listen to music my mind will focus on the lyrics and i recite them in my head. that keeps me up. i guess this is my last resort, and it's not even that late, which is sad. why is it that you think about all of the things you try to avoid when you are laying in bed at night. the overflowing of deep depressing thoughts this time of the night makes going to sleep my least favorite event. at least when i'm by myself. but as soon as my eyes get tired from the computer screen all these thoughts will pass.

tomorrow is going to be a great day, so maybe i should think about that. if all goes as planned kayla and i will be hitting the beach in our favorite secluded spot. i can't wait.

where has time gone? i'm not sure. it's been months since i have had a second to myself. i'm still trying to figure out if that is a bad thing or not. right now i am perfectly comfortable with how things are and where i am at... but that is what frightens me the most. i can recall a time of uncertainty when i would constantly be thinking about my next move, but now for the most part things are pretty stagnant. good, but stagnant. i think with trying so hard to ensure the happiness of someone else i have neglected myself and my needs.it's not that i am a very needy person, but sometimes you just need time to yourself to reflect on things, and i have been to preoccupied lately to do that. i think that might be why time has accelerated so much.. because i haven't taken moments out of my day to sit and think about my life.i'm going to make an effort to do this more often.