i can truly say that i've never felt as alone as i do right now, and the worst part is, it's all my fault.

Nothing sickens me more than thinking about how people maliciously mistreat each other. It's such a foreign concept to me. The lack of common decency in the majority of people my age is so disheartening. 

So Surreal

One of my childhood friends gave birth to a beautiful baby girl today. I could never imagine myself in that position.

At least no t for a while anyway. I am infinitely happy for her though. It takes a exceptional woman to be a mother. I know

that I am fortunate to have a mother as selfless and devoted as mine. She has always encouraged me to follow my intuition, 

and pursue my ambitions. I can only hope to be half the woman she is.

The past few days I have been on edge. I know that the change in my attitude can solely be attributed to the amount of school work that I have to complete, specifically in my precalculus / trigonometry class. But, I have already told myself that I'm going to suck it up and deal with it. The pay off will be worth the 8+ hours of homework a week. Hopefully the people around me don't become frustrated with me for being so moody.

It's discouraging to be in this situation. I am usually pretty good at keeping my emotions under control while maintaining a positive outlook. Right now I am experiencing the exact opposite of this, and I can't seem to shake myself out of it. 

it was much simpler then...

i'll sleep when i'm dead...

i can already tell that this semester is going to be draining. currently i don't have a job so i am being very frugal, and as a result i'm not doing much of anything besides homework. i can't imagine right now what my life will be like once i start my new position. well, i do know that i'll be making more money, but will i have the time to actually enjoy myself? i hope so....

my moods are changing with the onset of fall, but that is typical i suppose. not that the weather is even changing yet, it's still disgustingly hot outside, but to me everything seems to be veiled in a hazy gray. boring. routine. day after day after day. wah wah wahhh

i do have plenty of things to look forward to though. when it's cooler i will instantly be reminded of last winter break and how i met a boy who makes me smile. we are going to nyc after christmas, and i can't wait. one of my main objectives while i'm there is to go ice skating. it seems pretty silly but i will enjoy watching jesse bust his ass.

there are a lot of things i miss, but mostly it is my best friend. she's home this week but i won't even be able to go see her. we really are growing up.